Single guy

I’ve been single for a while now, in fact I’m so single that mainstream pornography doesn’t do it for me anymore and I’ve had to move to more ‘niche’ productions! At home when I want to … relieve the tension, I have a special looped recording of a series of adverts. They are now incredibly sexy aren't they? The list of adverts I have on this special video is the flake advert, M&S underwear, Cadbury’s Caramel (all the men say 'yeah'!) and the lynx adverts. All of which are incredibly sexy, some smell nice, some feed you and some even have overtly sexual bunny rabbits in them.

So I've just been shopping in asda, stereotypical single guys basket - bin liners, ear buds and microwave meals! The checkout girl looked at me with such sympathy that I just wanted to use the contents of my bag to build a make shift body disposal system with which I could dispose of her spotty, greasy head without fear of a succesful police investigation. Something I realised about stereotypical single guy's shopping baskets is that they are useless in A-Team situations. Still would shag her though, well, I asked...